Manly in the Modern Age

INT. PUB – NIGHT Three guys sit around a table in the dim lighting of the rustic English style pub. All mid twenties, they each have a beer in front of them and are dressed in the style of their tribe, jeans and a T-shirt. They seem comfortable and happy as they chat with one another. They are DEAN a footy boy with over-gelled hair, ANDY who is more into the statistics of sport than playing it, and MICHAEL, a big fan of all things comics and a walking iMDB.

MICHAEL
What do you guys think of this. I read an article today that claimed to be ‘manly’ today is less about being strong and brave in a traditional sense and more about being brave enough to show your emotions.

ANDY
Yeah that’s kind of true. It’s about being a sensitive new age guy. Strong, sweet, and looks after his appearance.

DEAN
Awesome, I’m clearly the manliest one here then.

MICHAEL
You? You’re just a footy boy, I’m way more sensitive than you.

DEAN
Well I wear more hair product than either of you so…

ANDY
Please, you think that’s manly? I’m way more manly than you, I’ve been exfoliating since 2006.

MICHAEL
That’s nothing, I happily tell people I cried at the end of My Girl.

ANDY
I take my Mum out for tea every week, we call it them our Sa-tea-days.

DEAN
I manscape.

MICHAEL
I wax my chest, back, arms and genitals.

ANDY
Why the ar-

MICHAEL
I like the way it feels.

DEAN
(feeling his arm)
That is quite nice.

ANDY
Well I crochet baby booties and have been selling them online under the name Mrs. Meredith Pennyworth.

DEAN
I have a monthly article in Cosmo called ‘The Trials of a Melbourne Girl’ under the pseudonym Deanne McKinley.

MICHAEL
I read that article every month thanks to my Cosmo subscription.

ANDY
I also take my Nan out for tea once a week, we call it our Tea-uesdays.

MICHAEL
Every comic con I dress up as She-Hulk.

ANDY
I only woman’s underwear. Look I’m wearing one now. Look how lacy it is. That’s manly as shit.

DEAN
I put on makeup, a dress, and a padded bra and go out as Deanne McKinley to pick up men.

MICHAEL
Wait I think I’ve made out with you!

DEAN
I’ve also started taking estrogen pills and will be having a sex change in May!

Dean gets quite worked up while saying this but begins to deflate while the other two guys stare at him in silent shock. This holds for a few beats and they both start clapping.

ANDY
Damn man, that is the manliest thing I’ve ever heard. You win dude.

Dean smiles wide and finishes his drink in a single victory swallow.

DEAN
Don’t you boys forget it. I’m out of here.

He grabs his keys from the table and swings his jacket over his shoulder as he proudly struts away.

MICHAEL
Drive safe.

DEAN
Only way I know how.

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