Pregnant Grandma

INT. CAFE – DAY

A young man sits in a cafe with a glass of water in front of him. He’s ALEX, well dressed, fit, and sure to be in some sort of ‘up-and-coming’ program for the important company he must work for. He waves to another young guy as he enters the cafe. This is TOM, he’s much more slovenly dressed, with a baggy zip hoodie over a T-shirt, his jeans has a few stains on them and holes that don’t appear to be put there for fashion purposes. Tom sits at the small table across from Alex.

ALEX
Hey man, how’s things? I haven’t seen you in ages.

TOM
Things are, not great mate, pretty shit.

ALEX
C’mon it can’t be all that bad, how are things at work?

TOM
No work, they fired me. I got the sack after the bosses son downloaded a virus onto the system looking up pornography. Naturally they blame the IT guy.

ALEX What? That’s ridiculous. Can you fight back?

TOM
I might have been able to had he not done it on my computer. I left it unlocked for like ten minutes. I just wanted a curly wurly from the vending machine.

ALEX
Oh man, that’s terrible. How did Annie take it?

TOM
No Annie, she left me. When it got out that “I” was looking up pregnant Grandma’s on the work computer she left me a very concise and descriptive note telling me what she thought of perverts.

ALEX
It was pregnant grandma’s was it? That can’t be good.

TOM
I didn’t even know that was a fetish! I mean how many pregnant grandmas can there even be out there! Surly menopause has played it’s part at that age of life.

ALEX
Well that, that is just, pregnant grannies? I wouldn’t have seen that one coming. So what are you doing with yourself then, you at least keeping busy?

TOM
No busy, I’m not really doing anything. No one in the IT community will hire me on account of the whole…

ALEX
Pervert?

TOM
Yes, the pervert thing. And that’s coming from a community of people that are already pretty perverted you know what I mean? So now I just do nothing all day. Do you want to now what my greatest accomplishment was yesterday?

ALEX
I’m beginning to think I don’t but yeah go ahead.

TOM
I drank enough water to turn my urine clear. You know it’s a bad day when your greatest accomplishment is drinking enough water to make your pee clear. And do you want to know what it was the day before that?

ALEX
I’m not sure I-

TOM
It was successfully peeing while brushing my teeth.

ALEX
Are they all pee related?

TOM
The day before that it was peeing on the same spot my dog had peed on.

ALEX
So they are, okay.

TOM
I very briefly got to feel like a dominant man.

ALEX
How is little Cornelius? Must be good to have him around at a time like this.

TOM
No Cornelius, he got hit by a car yesterday. A pregnant grandma was in labour and rushing to the hospital.

ALEX
Oh wow, that is unlikely, and so oddly related to your previous problems.

TOM
I know. And then Annie drove past to get some of her things from the house just as the old woman slipped and fell on me.

ALEX
She saw that huh? Saw the pregnant grannie, just, rolling around on top of you? Oh boy. But hanging out at home all day must be nice.

TOM
No home.

ALEX
I knew I shouldn’t have asked.

TOM
I couldn’t afford the rent after Annie moved out. I had to move in with my Grandma.

ALEX
Oh no, I can’t imagine that would of helped you with the whole… pervert reputation.

TOM
It did not man, it did not. Anyway, how are things with you?

ALEX
I don’t think I want to say now.

TOM
It’s fine, go ahead.

ALEX
Things are great, really great, like phenomenally great to be honest.

TOM

ALEX

ALEX (CONT’D)
You want me to buy you breakfast?

TOM
Yes please.

Alex calls out to the waitress.

ALEX
Hello, we’re ready to order now.

The waitress turns around and slowly walks over, it a grandma and yes she’s pregnant. Tom and Alex look at each other for a beat then both get up to leave.

Advertisements
Posted In

2 Comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s