Emergency Shopping

INT. PETROL STATION – NIGHT

A YOUNG MAN jogs briskly into a petrol station and starts to look quickly through the few shelves for something. He finishes his circuit of the store unsuccessful and approaches the counter. The ATTENDANT behind it is a pudgy, moustached, middle aged man, his shirt tucked in.

YOUNG MAN
Hi, can I-

ATTENDANT
Hello.

YOUNG MAN
Uh, yeah, hi. Can I ge-

ATTENDANT
How are you today young sir?

YOUNG MAN
I’m, I’m great. Look I need-

ATTENDANT
Well that’s good. Did I see you drive up in an old Daewoo Lanos?

YOUNG MAN
Yeah, but-

ATTENDANT
My cousin David, he used to drive one of those. He loved that car, always took it for long drives up the coast. You ever take it for a drive along the coast?

YOUNG MAN
No. Now I-

ATTENDANT
Oh it’s beautiful up there, but you do need to be careful. David, one time you see, he was driving along there at night when, and David he swears by this, a camel stepped out in front of him! Can you believe that?

YOUNG MAN
That’s great. Now I was-

ATTENDANT
Now I know what you’re going to say.

YOUNG MAN
I don’t think you do.

ATTENDANT
What was a camel doing on the coast of Victoria? Well I said the same thing to David, and he said it had escaped from a truck on the way to the zoo. Isn’t that something?

YOUNG MAN
Look, I just want-

ATTENDANT
Now anyway, David saw this camel and he immediately swerved out of the way, but those old Daewoo’s, the engineering’s not so good you know, and so the steering locked and his car went right over the edge! How do you like that.

YOUNG MAN
Quite a story, you told it beautifully, now if I could just-

ATTENDANT
Well it’s not over yet you see.

YOUNG MAN
Could it be though, because I really need-

ATTENDANT
So David managed to get out of the car and jump free. Only thing is the car landed without a scratch and David, well his leg snapped and the bone it, popped, right out of his leg.

YOUNG MAN
Oh my God. Oh, man, that is just appalling!

ATTENDANT
I know! That shard of bone was just sticking right out saying hello to the world. Now David he said-

YOUNG MAN
Look, that’s a truly, just, horrible story, but I really just came in here to buy some condoms!

ATTENDANT
Oh ho ho, the young sir has a lady does he?

YOUNG MAN
Yes, so if I could just…

ATTENDANT
Well we wouldn’t want to keep her waiting would we?

YOUNG MAN
No, that’s kind of the point.

The attendant looks through the shelf below him. He shows the young man various packs as the young man urges him on.

ATTENDANT
Let me see here, what have we got. Oh there’s one here that glows in the dark, can you believe that? Ohh and there’s another one here that’s flavoured, I don’t really know what that’s for. Okay. Now these ones they have a vibrating tip, for the young ladies pleasure I believe. No? Just the regular ones then? Okay that will be seven fifty.

YOUNG MAN
Great, thank you.

The young man hurriedly hands his a note and some change, and reaches for the box. The attendant is about to hand them to him when a though takes him and he moves his hand back again.

ATTENDANT
You know my cousin David-

The young man jumps at the counter, grabs the box from the attendant’s hand and races out of the store. The attendant calls out happily to his retreating form.

ATTENDANT (CONT’D)
Come back anytime.

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