Someone on this tram…

INT. TRAM – NIGHT

A crowded tram rails through the city, people talk in the hushed tones usually reserved for public transport, or play quietly on their phones or tablets. Two young men, one dressed in jeans and a T-shirt (DANIEL) the other dressed in a hoodie and chinos (NATHAN) sit on a seat near the middle.

DANIEL
Do you realise someone on this tram is the oldest person out of all of these people and they might not even realise it.

NATHAN
Are you sure because I think it might be that guy over there.

Nathan points to a man a few seats over who looks impossibly old.

DANIEL
Okay, that’s probably true. How about this, someone on this tram would have watched more reruns of friends than anybody else, and probably don’t even know they are that person.

NATHAN
Someone on this tram would have eaten more donuts than anybody else.

DANIEL
Someone on this tram would have vomited more times than anybody else.

NATHAN
Someone on this tram would have peed the bed more than anybody else.

DANIEL
Someone on this tram would have had more sex than anybody else.

NATHAN
Oh I think that’s our old friend over there again.

Nathan points at the old man once more.

DANIEL
Well he’s simply had more time than the rest of us.

NATHAN
Someone on this tram would have had sex with more people than anybody else.

DANIEL
Okay, someone on this tram has a weirder fetish than anybody else.

NATHAN
Someone on this tram has farted and blamed it on someone else more times than anybody else.

DANIEL
Someone on this tram has given more creepy back rubs than anybody else.

NATHAN
Someone on this tram has bigger balls than anybody else.

DANIEL
Well a man on this tram you mean.

NATHAN
Yeah, right.

DANIEL
Someone on this tram has had the worst sexual experience than anybody else and they wouldn’t even know it was them.

NATHAN
I wish as we said these the person who it was would light up.

DANIEL
I love the way your brain works.

NATHAN
Someone on this tram has embarrassingly chocked on water by breathing it in when drinking more times than anybody else.

DANIEL
Someone on this tram has said ‘where’s the beef’ more times than anybody else.

NATHAN
Someone on this tram has said ‘cowabunga’ more times than anybody else.

DANIEL
Someone on this tram will be the next person to die and doesn’t even realise it.

NATHAN
So someone on this tram has a shorter lifespan than anyone else.

DANIEL
What if it’s one of us.

Both guys look at each other then down despondently. This holds for a beat.

NATHAN
Someone on this tram has bushier pubes than anybody else.

The two smile at each other.

DANIEL
That’s a good one, that’s a good one. I think you win.

Advertisements
Posted In

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s