Spaghetti Shop

INT. SUPERMARKET – NIGHT

A young woman, ALEX (26, pretty but very serious) walks the isles of the supermarket. Behind her half walking, half riding a shopping trolley is her friend MATT (25, gangly, looks like he would have trouble growing a beard).

MATT
I feel like hunting and gathering has gotten a lot easier since the old days.

ALEX
You say that but I still never know where they put the minced garlic. You think it’d be near the pasta sauces.

MATT
I don’t really think I’m pulling my weight as a hunter by Neanderthal standards. They would bring down woolly mammoths and I’m here trying to entrap a good bolognese sauce.

Alex stops in front of the pasta sauces and picks one up, she studies it puts it back and picks up another one.

ALEX
Funny because it feels like I’m doing all the entrapping. I brought you along to help me organise for my party not for your witty commentary.

MATT
That’s too bad because I’m leading up to a good bit about stone age supermarkets.

ALEX
I don’t care, help me chose what sauce I should get.

She presents him with two options.

MATT
I don’t know, I’m an even worse cook that you. Why are you even having a spaghetti party? That’s not even a thing. Can’t we just get drunk like normal.

ALEX
Because it’s my party and I want everyone to eat my delicious spaghetti.

Alex chooses one of the sauces, puts it in the trolley, and continues to walk.

MATT
We don’t know it’s going to be delicious yet. What if it turns out as bad as your burritos?

ALEX
It won’t, and I told you I didn’t know chilli sauce and sweet chilli sauce weren’t the same thing.

MATT
You shouldn’t be putting either of those on burritos. Salsa is what you want on burritos. Salsa. Everyone knows that.

ALEX
I thought mexican found was meant to have spice. I don’t want to talk about this again. You’re still not helping.

MATT
I’m not good at helping, this isn’t news. I don’t know why you want me to help you.

ALEX
Because it’s my birthday, you’re my best friend, and I asked you to help me.

MATT
Alright, sorry, what do you need me to do?

ALEX
Can you get me some mushrooms?

MATT
I don’t like mushrooms.

ALEX
My birthday, remember?

MATT
Right. What kind do I get?

ALEX
Just the regular kind.

MATT
I don’t eat mushrooms, I don’t know what the regular kind is.

ALEX
Button mushrooms.

MATT
What to they look like?

ALEX
They look like mushrooms! Why did you ask the name if you don’t even know what they look like? White, round top, black brown gills, short stalk.

MATT
Eww. How many do I get?

ALEX
Enough for a pasta for seven people.

MATT
So what, like eight?

ALEX
(exasperated)
I’ll get them, you just push the trolley.

MATT
Okay. Pushing the trolley is still helping.

ALEX
You’re useless.

MATT
I am. Now back to stone age supermarkets. Do you think they had a barter system or paid each other with bits of rock like in the flintstones?

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