Grown Ups

INT. PUB – EVENING

Three middle aged men sit at a small round table in the corner of a rustic irish style pub. They each have a pint in front of them and are talking heatedly at one another. They are ALAN, JAMES and STEWART.

ALAN
You’re saying that if I offered you a million dollars you wouldn’t eat a bucket full of raw oysters?

STEWART
No, no way. Disgusting, I would probably die if I ate that, my life isn’t worth it.

ALAN
They’re a delicacy!

STEWART
Not to me, no chance.

JAMES
What if they were cooked, kilpatrick?

STEWART
A million dollars?

JAMES
Yep.

STEWART
I suppose I would.

ALAN
For half a million dollars?

STEWART
Mmmm…nup.

ALAN
You wouldn’t do it for half a million dollars?

STEWART
Nope, no way.

ALAN
I would.

JAMES
You’re cheap, of course you would. You’d do it for five dollars.

STEWART
You’d do it for free just to get to eat some oysters.

ALAN
That’s true, I would, I would totally do that.

JAMES
(to Stewart)
Would you bath it a tub full of raw oysters for half a million dollars?

STEWART
Am I wearing bathers?

JAMES
Mmmm, no.

STEWART
Oh come on, you’ve got to give me bathers.

JAMES
Okay, but they’re boardies and they’re loose so it’s likely some oysters would slip into them.

STEWART
Ohhh, you run a hard bargain.

ALAN
Can I add something?

JAMES
Certainly.

ALAN
You also need to put your head under.

STEWART
Oh come on!

JAMES
Yes, good one, you have to put your head under.

STEWART
So, to recap, would I completely submerge myself in a bath full of raw oysters wearing loose fitting boardies for five hundred thousand dollars?

JAMES
Yes, that’s correct.

Stewart thinks, the other two guys wait in anticipation.

STEWART
Yes, yeah I guess I would.

James and Alan cheer.

JAMES
Okay, okay I have another one. Would you get a sex change for ten million dollars?

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