Jamed Conversation

INT. OFFICE HALLWAY – DAY

MICHAEL (28, athletic, bearded) stands talking to CARL (42, balding, nerdy) in front of some elevators outside an office block. Michael looks more than a little bored.

CARL
It turns out you can make a lot of jam in two days. My weekend just flew by.

MICHAEL
They always do. They always do.

The two both laugh the awkward laugh of forced small talk.

CARL
You know what, if you want I’ll send you the link to my jam blog. I’ve been running it for about two years, it chronicles all my jam experiences in that time. But I know what you’re thinking.

MICHAEL
Really? That would surprise me.

CARL
It’s not just jams. No, no. It’s also marmalade, preserves, I’ve even pickled things! Can you believe that?

MICHAEL
Ohh, I really can’t.

CARL
I know. The wife calls me crazy but what can I say, I love preserves.

Behind them the elevators open and a number of people exit, including Michaels friend JOEL (28, ladies man).

MICHAEL
Well that is quite a story, a jam blog? I never, oh there’s Joel. I’m afraid I need to be going Carl, I’ll talk to you later. See ya.

Michael turns and takes a step towards Joel who stops to talk to him.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Joel, oh my God, I got trapped by Carl again. He must be the most boring man on the planet.

Joel motions to Michael but he’s on to much of a roll to notice.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Seriously the man has a jam blog. A jam blog Joel. The only thing worse than a man with a jam blog is a man who reads a jam blog, which I’m pretty sure he also does.

JOEL
Ahh, Mike.

MICHAEL
But it’s not just jams, oh no, that wouldn’t be sad enough. He also pickles things.

JOEL
Mike.

MICHAEL
I’m just waiting for the day where he goes insane and pickles his wife, if she even exists. I’m still not convinced that she does.

JOEL
MIKE!

Michael stops his rant and looks confused at Joel.

MICHAEL
What?

Behind Michael Carl clears his throat. Michael slowly turns to looks at him.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Oh, hey Carl. You, ahh, you’re standing there huh? That’s cool. You, ahhh, you, you’ve been…how long have you been standing there for?

CARL
I’ve been here literally the whole time. You said ‘see ya’ and then turned around and started insulting me.

MICHAEL
Oh the whole time, that is rough. I, I didn’t know you were there, I am, I am so sorry.

Carl looks angrily up at Michael, then points his finger at him.

CARL
Well all I can say Michael is you will not be getting any of my pickles. I will give you some jams but only because my wife is demanding that I get rid of some of them.

MICHAEL
Oh come on Carl, I was just joking around, be kind man.

Carl looks over at Joel.

CARL
Joel, I’ll give you some more pickles tomorrow.

JOEL
Thanks Carl.

Joel give Michael another angry look and then storms off.

JOEL (CONT’D)
You just got burned man.

MICHAEL
I feel terrible.

JOEL
Oh he’ll be alright, just compliment his jam sometime.

MICHAEL
That’s a good point. Ohh, that was embarrassing. Anyway, what did you do with your weekend?

JOEL
I made jam.

MICHAEL
I hate you.

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