Pretty Woman

EXT. CAFE – DAY

Two guys sit out the front of a cafe on a beautiful sunny day. They are STEVE (28, gangly) and RICK (31, chubby) each have a coffee in front of them. Nearby a young homeless woman begs on the street.

STEVE
Is it bad if I say that homeless woman’s not to bad?

RICK
What? You mean she doesn’t look too homeless?

STEVE
No, not that, look at her she’s filthy. No I mean under the filth I think she’s pretty cute.

RICK
You think the homeless woman’s cute?

STEVE
Yeah.

RICK
You’re getting desperate mate.

STEVE
Do you think it’d be wrong if I gave her some money?

RICK
Well that depends, if that was a dirty old man would you give him some money?

STEVE
Not a chance.

RICK
Then yes, it’s very bad.

STEVE
But why? I’m being charitable.

RICK
No you’re not, you’re hoping that if you give that dirty tramp some money she might take a fancy to you.

STEVE
Do you think she would?

RICK
No!

STEVE
Maybe she would pretend to though, in order for me to give her more money. I wouldn’t know the difference.

RICK
Okay Steve, let me explain what you’re now suggesting. A transaction between the two of you where you swap money for love. They have a name for that and it’s prostitution.

STEVE
Oh come on, she wouldn’t have to sleep with me, well at least not straight away.

RICK
I do not understand you. How do you see this playing out?

STEVE
Well I’d generously give her some money.

RICK
It’s not generous when you’ve got an ulterior motive but go on.

STEVE
She’ll be grateful, I’ll be modest, then we’ll get chatting. Like a valiant knight I’ll offer her to clean up at my place if she wants.

RICK
Pathetic, continue.

STEVE
She’ll scrub up, we get her a hair cut, some new clothes, I introduce her to high society, and then we go at it like rabbits.

RICK
You really have reached a new low haven’t you? You give a whole new meaning to the term desperate.

STEVE
I think I’m going to go give her some money.

RICK
Oh please don’t.

STEVE
I am.

Steve gets up and approaches the woman. He says something to her as he hands her a coin. Steve blocks the view of her response but he quickly returns.

RICK
So how did it go? Will you be getting married soon?

STEVE
She spat on me.

RICK
Of course she did, well I suppose it’s more than any other woman’s given you recently.

STEVE
I agree, that’s why I’m going to go give her some more money.

RICK
Steve, don’t.

STEVE
Wish me luck.

Steve happily walks back over to the homeless woman.

RICK
I need to get some new friends.

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