Psychic Pizza

EXT. HOUSE – EVENING

A young pizza delivery driver, MARK (22, laid back), dressed in the dishevelled uniform of his company, carrying a pizza box, rings a doorbell.

As he waits, Mark looks at a sign next to the door. It reads ‘ANTHONY MARCONI, PSYCHIC’. After a moment the door is opened by a short, moustached, middle aged Italian man, dressed in a casual robe.

MARK
Hello.

ANTHONY
Ah my pizza, lovely. How much is it?

MARK
Are you a psychic?

ANTHONY
(proudly)
What? Oh, yes I am.

MARK
Can’t you just predict how much it will be then?

ANTHONY
You obviously know nothing about how psychic abilities work. I can see future events, not predict pizza prices.

MARK
But couldn’t you see yourself in the future paying me the amount it cost, and then know from that?

Anthony sighs.

ANTHONY
I’m sure your small mind couldn’t truly grasp the complicated nature of my gift so I’m not even going to bother to try and explain it to you. Now how much is the pizza?

MARK
You don’t really have powers though do you? I mean, you just tell people what they want to hear right? You can tell me, I won’t judge.

ANTHONY
How dare you doubt my abilities! My third eye can see the future as well as your bloodshot ones can see the present.

MARK
You can’t see it very concisely though can you?

ANTHONY
I’ll have you know I have been known to predict events down to the very second that they happen.

MARK
Okay, predict something for me right now. Predict what colour car is going to pass by your house next.

ANTHONY
Young man people pay a lot of money for my services. What I do is an craft, and I am a master of my craft. You wouldn’t ask a doctor for free medical services would you?

MARK
I probably would if I was dying.

ANTHONY
Well luckily for me you’re not dying.

MARK
Aren’t I?

ANTHONY
Nice try. I’m not about to use my psychic powers for the likes of you.

MARK
Because they don’t exist.

ANTHONY
Enough, tell me how much my pizza is so I can have you gone from my doorway.

MARK
It’s twelve fifty.

ANTHONY
Here, take your money, and give me my pizza.

Mark and Anthony swap money for pizza.

ANTHONY (CONT’D)
Now, be gone.

Anthony turns to go.

MARK
Do you want to know how I know you don’t have psychic abilities?

Anthony stops and turns back to face Mark.

ANTHONY
Oh yes please do tell. Tell me how your feeble mind is able to so absolutely discredit the celebrated abilities of one of the greatest psychic minds living today.

MARK
I had to ring the doorbell.

Mark smiles at the flummoxed Anthony, turns and walks away.

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