What do you buy the woman who has everything?

EXT. LAKE – DAY

Three friends, MITCH (29, dopey), JIMMY (28, humorous), and AMANDA (29, free speaking) sit in pull out chairs by the lake side and fish.

AMANDA
Hey Mitch I just realised I don’t know how you and Becca met.

JIMMY
Neither do I. What is the tale of the greatest love of our time?

MITCH
Well, I don’t think we’re the world’s greatest love story.

AMANDA
He was being facetious Mitch, I doubt anyone would see you as a romantic. What did you buy Becca for your last anniversary? Pads?

MITCH
No, no. They were tampons.

JIMMY
Oh well that changes it completely, obviously that was a wonderful gift.

MITCH
Yeah but she told me that morning she needed some more so what’s wrong with that? It’s something she wants and something I know she’ll use.

AMANDA
Mitch, you’re an idiot. You don’t buy your girlfriend tampons for a present. That’s not a present.

JIMMY
And I’ll point out that you decided to buy her gift the day of the anniversary.

MITCH
But she doesn’t need a present does she? No one does. We’ve all get everything we need so what’s the point?

AMANDA
The point is that you love her.

MITCH
Yeah.

AMANDA
So it’s about making her happy! Buy her something that will make her happy. Not tampons. I mean five year old’s know this.

JIMMY
It’s about buying her something that she wants isn’t it? Not just something she needs.

MITCH
So when should I buy her tampons?

AMANDA
Why is that your question? Just buy them if she needs them, I don’t know how else to say this. DON’T USE THEM AS A PRESENT.

MITCH
What if I buy her some jelly?

JIMMY
I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore.

MITCH
No hear me out. She loves jelly right, but she doesn’t need it, it gives her a fat arse. So, it’s something she wants but doesn’t need.

Amanda and Jimmy stare at Mitch in shock.

JIMMY
Your brain confuses me.

AMANDA
You’re terrible. Shut up, just shut up. You’re not allowed to talk anymore. I’m sorry I even asked.

JIMMY
You haven’t even answered the original question.

MITCH
What was that?

JIMMY
How did you and Becca meet?

MITCH
Oh. At the pub.

AMANDA
Great. Brilliant. Thank you. What a waste of time.

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