Pick Up Lines

INT. CLUB – NIGHT

ADAM (22, fashionable, douchebag) stands with his friend WILL (22, Indian, nervous, over thinker) in a club. Will holds a beer Adam is surveying the dance floor.

ADAM
Alright, you ready to be my wingman?

WILL
What? No. I can’t get girls for myself, what makes you think I can help you get them?

ADAM
C’mon, be my wingman, it’ll be great. We can make up stories about how cool we are, pretend to be brothers, all of it.

WILL
I’m Indian.

ADAM
Adopted brother, whatever. Either way I bet by the end of the night we’ll both be deep in it. Know what I mean?

WILL
No, what could you possibly mean? I couldn’t figure out the disgustingness of your subtlety.

ADAM
Oh, I think I’ve spotted some honeys for us.

WILL
Don’t call them honeys.

ADAM
Okay, I’m going to hit them with a line I’ve been working on. All you have to do is be like ‘Damn man, you’re smooth as ice’.

WILL
I’m not going to say that.

ADAM
Maybe also try and let them know that I’m really hung.

WILL
How could I possibly do that? And why would I know that!

ADAM
Alright here we go.

Adam struts over to a couple of girls drinking on some couches. Will reluctantly follows.

ADAM (CONT’D)
Hey, you look hot enough to cook a casserole in.

The girls look awkwardly away from Adam.

WILL
I have no part in this.

The girls walk away giggling.

ADAM
Man you blew it. You’re going to need to be better than that if you want to be my wingman.

WILL
I don’t want to be your wingman. We are literally living a recurring nightmare I have.

ADAM
Never mind, found a few more on the radar. Just follow my lead.

Adam once again approaches a couple of women. Will sighs but follows.

ADAM (CONT’D)
Hey, I’m Adam, this is my brother Will.

WOMAN
Hi.

WILL
Ah, hi.

ADAM
Adopted brother, he’s from India. You guys seen slumdog millionaire?

WOMAN
Yeah.

ADAM
It’s based on him.

WOMAN Didn’t that movie come out six years ago?

ADAM
Maybe, I haven’t see it. You want to dance?

WOMAN
Pathetic.

The women once again walk away.

WILL
Well that was possibly the most embarrassing moment of my life.

ADAM
Shut up dude, I’ve spotted the next target.

Adam points to a girl in a wheelchair.

WILL
Adam, no!

ADAM
Yes, I have the perfect line for just this situation.

WILL
I, I can’t be part of this.

Adam, unfazed, walks over to the girl in the wheelchair.

ADAM Hey, so did you get paralysed when you fell from heaven?

Will visibly winces.

WHEELCHAIR GIRL
(laughing)
That’s not bad, I’ve not heard that one before. Usually people are to sensitive to mention the fact that I’m paralysed.

ADAM
(proudly)
You won’t have that problem with me.

WHEELCHAIR GIRL
Want to dance?

ADAM
Sure, if you can. Just don’t run over my feet alright?

The girl laughs at this and they head over to the dance floor. Will watches in shock.

WILL
Unbelievable.

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