Adultnap

INT. WAREHOUSE – DAY

Two men, both with balaclava’s over their heads, carry a young woman, WILLOW (25), into the warehouse and throw her into a chair. Willow has a hood over her head, her hands and feet are tied. One of the balaclava clad men rip the hood off of Willow’s head.

WILLOW
Oh man. Hey guys, what’s going on?

KIDNAPPER #1
Willow Mackowski you are being held for ransom. You will call-

WILLOW
My father. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this isn’t my first time round the pony parade, if you know what I mean.

KIDNAPPER #2
No? A pony par-

WILLOW
It means I’ve been kidnapped a lot. I’m basically a pro at it now. Hey, is it still called kidnapping when it’s an adult? Is it adultnapping? Because I am an adult who loves napping if you know what I mean.

KIDNAPPER #2
What?

WILLOW
It means I like to sleep! Damn, you guys never know what I mean.

KIDNAPPER #1
Hey, shut up! You’re going to call you father and tell him if he doesn’t send fifty thousand dollars to this account.

He hands Willow a piece of paper with numbers on it.

KIDNAPPER #1 (CONT’D)
Then we’ll send you back to him piece by piece.

WILLOW
Okay well first of all, rude. Okay that’s the stick, here’s the carrot. You guys are totally nailing this kidnapping.

KIDNAPPER #2
Thanks, it’s actually our first time.

WILLOW
No way! Well I would have never known. That hood! Amazing. One of the nicest I’ve ever seen.

KIDNAPPER #2
I actually chose it.

WILLOW
Sweet choice, so soft.

KIPNAPPER #1
STOP! Call your father. Now.

WILLOW
Okay, gees. I guess we know who the uncool kidnapper is.

Kipnapper #2 giggles. Kidnapper #1 gives him an angry look. Willow takes her phone from her pocket, and dials.

KIPNAPPER #1
Put it on loudspeaker.

WILLOW
Please, don’t insult me. I know how to do this.

Willow puts the loudspeaker on. It answers with a click.

MR. MACKOWSKI
Hello?

WILLOW
Hey Daddy. What’s the haps?

MR. MACKOWSKI
Willow, I asked you not to use ghetto speak with me.

Kipnapper #1 gives Willow the hurry up signal. She rolls her eyes and waves her hand at him.

WILLOW
Right. So Daddy, some guys have kidnapped me again. They want fifty thousand dollars or they’ll chop me up, blah blah blah. The usual stuff.

Mr. Mackowski sighs and hangs up. A dial tone comes from the phone.

KIDNAPPER #2
Did he just hang up?

Willow shrugs.

WILLOW
Yeah, he hates me.

KIDNAPPER #2
We said we were going to kill you!

WILLOW
Yeah, oh well. So what are we doing now?
(to kidnapper #2)
I would love some frozen yogurt.

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