Barkly of Boneshire the Third

INT. KITCHEN – MORNING

NATE (30, the kind of guy who has assigned socks for days of the week) sits at a dining table, his laptop open in front of him, inside a large open kitchen area. He looks at the computer concerned, his brow furrowed. His roommate, WILL (30, the kind of guy who still has a favourite power ranger) dances into the room, singing.

WILL
I am getting a dog today, Will is getting a dog today. Nate, are you as excited as me?

Nathan doesn’t look up from his laptop.

NATE
As I’m not currently dancing I’m going to say not quite as excited. You’re thirty, you probably shouldn’t be this excited about getting a dog.
(to himself)
Why haven’t they e-mailed back yet?

WILL
You’re still good to drive me yeah? Because as you know I’m currently without a car.

NATE
You’ve never had a car, or a license. Don’t you think you should get a drivers license before you get a dog.

WILL
Do you think I’ll be good at owning a dog? I feel like I’ll be really good at it.

NATE
I guess, it’s not really the kind of thing you have to work too hard to be good at. It’s like people who are good sleepers, or good at drinking.

WILL
I’m good at both of those things! Thanks for believing in me man.

NATE
That’s not really what I was saying.
(to computer)
Come on.

WILL
Now I’ve been trying to think of a name. At first I was like Rex, you know real traditional kind of name. But then I was thinking maybe something a bit more regal. So I landed on Barkly of Boneshire the third.

NATE
How can he be the third? You’ve never had a dog before.

WILL
Yeah but you can’t call them the first, that would be weird.

NATE
Yeah, that’s what’s weird about that name.

WILL
Either way I decided not to use it, it’s too long. It wouldn’t fit on a pet tag, let alone his bowl.

NATE
(to his computer)
Come on, reply already.

WILL
Nate, don’t you think it’s funny that my new best friend is waiting down at the dog shelter and I don’t even know what he looks like yet?

Nate doesn’t respond, he just continually presses refresh on his laptop.

WILL (CONT’D)
Nate, did you hear what I said?

NATE
Will, I’m trying to do something important okay! I just- Look do you really think you should be getting a dog?

WILL
What do you mean? Of course I should.

NATE
It’s just that you don’t have a drivers license, you wear powerpuff girls pyjamas, which I didn’t even know they made in mens.

WILL
They don’t.

NATE
And you’re thirty and still living with a roommate, which I don’t even want to know what that says about me. But my point is do you think you’re responsible enough to own a dog?

WILL
Hey, I know I’m not Mr. Grown up all the time, but that’s a good thing. Because it means I’m going to love this dog with all the passion of a kid, but still have just enough adult in me to look after it properly. The truth is I’ve wanted to get a dog for years but I’ve always lived in places that were too small. Now I’ve moved in here with you and I can finally get one. This isn’t just some whim for me man, I’ve been planning this for a long time.

Nate looks from his laptop to the hopeful Will. He closes his laptop.

NATE
Alright, let’s go get you a new best friend.

WILL
Yes! You’re the best.

NATE
So what will you name him?

WILL
Well I was going to call him Nate, after you, so both my best friends would have the same name, but then I thought that might get confusing. So I’m just going to call him hairy Nate.

NATE
Well I don’t love that.

Nate grabs his keys and the two walk through the door.

NATE (CONT’D)
Wait, would the animal shelter even be open this early?

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