Presto Pest-Go – Scene 12

This scene is part of a pilot episode for a sitcom that I wrote as part of my Masters. See past days to catch up on the rest of the episode.

INT. PESTO PRESTO WAREHOUSE – AFTERNOON

Prabir is surrounded by Steve, Felix, and Rebecca inside the Presto Pest-Go office. In the background behind them Mandy sits in a chair, still groggy.

PRABIR
I think the cat must of trusted me after I gave it some food because he let me grab him from under the house and then just fell asleep in my arms.

FELIX
That’s amazing. So you didn’t use an Indian hypnotic technique?

PRABIR
Umm, no, I don’t know anything like that.

FELIX
Shame. Still you did great, well done. Unlike you Mandy, falling asleep on the job, is that something The Female Exterminator would do?

MANDY
(Slurred)
ExHERminator.

Felix walks to his office.

STEVE
Well done mate, I don’t know how you did it, but well done.

Steve walks over to his desk.

REBECCA
Not bad new kid, might be more to you than I thought.

Rebecca walks back to reception with a smile. Prabir smiles wide, then cries out in terror when he realises Mandy is standing unsteadily behind him.

MANDY
(slurred)
I don’t know what happened out there but this isn’t over.

Mandy sways back to her desk, knocking over the same chair as previously in the effort. Prabir swallows hard.

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Presto Pest-Go – Scene 11

This scene is part of a pilot episode for a sitcom that I wrote as part of my Masters. See past days to catch up on the rest of the episode.

EXT. ANNIE’S BACKYARD – CONTINUOUS

Prabir races around into the backyard and kneels down in front of the open base boards. He holds up a mini quiche in front of himself.

PRABIR
Wait, do cat’s eat quiche?

He shakes his head, and throws some of the quiches under the house. The cat tentatively approaches them. It sniffs them. Prabir watches anxiously on. The cat nudges one of the quiches with its nose.

PRABIR (CONT’D)
Come on, please eat it, please.

The cat takes a step back.

PRABIR (CONT’D)
No!

The cat looks down at the quiches. Finally it lowers its head and starts to eat one.

PRABIR (CONT’D)
YES!

The cat hisses at Prabir.

PRABIR (CONT’D)
I’m sorry sir, keep eating.

The cat begins to wobble, then falls to the floor. Prabir reaches in and pulls the now sleeping cat out from under the house.

Annie exits through the back door.

ANNIE
You got it! I thought someone else was meant to come help you?

PRABIR
Yes. They, they, they ate something that didn’t agree with them.

ANNIE
Oh. Well it looks like you didn’t need them anyway. Well done.

PRABIR
I guess I didn’t.

Presto Pest-Go – Scene 10

This scene is part of a pilot episode for a sitcom that I wrote as part of my Masters. See past days to catch up on the rest of the episode.

EXT. ANNIE’S FRONTYARD – LATER

Prabir sits on Annie’s front porch. He breaks up one of the mini quiches and throws crumbs of it out to some waiting birds. A Presto Pesto-Go van pulls up. Mandy steps out, she walks towards Prabir, scattering the birds up into the tree above them.

MANDY
So Steve couldn’t handle it and they had to call Mandy in. Typical.

PRABIR
Well he was allergic to the cat. His throat started closing up so he went back to the office to get his epipen.

MANDY
Yeah he’s always been weak. Lucky you, now you get to learn from the best.

A bird drops from the tree and falls to the ground beside them. They both look at it for a beat.

PRABIR
That was weird.

MANDY
Animals just learn to die around me. That would actually make a good promo for my show.

Mandy grabs a trap from the van and places it on the ground. Prabir looks at the trap fearfully.

PRABIR
What show?

Another bird falls from the tree, they once more glance at it, then back at each other.

MANDY
I’m going to host an exterminator reality TV show one day. Already got the name ‘Female Exterminator’.

PRABIR
What about exHERminator?

Beat.

MANDY
That’s better, I’m taking that. And those mini quiches, hand them over.

Another bird drops to the ground. Prabir looks at the bird confused, then looks over to the mini quiches.

The penny drops.

PRABIR
You, you can’t have them.

MANDY
Kid, I’m your boss here alright. If I want to eat mini quiches, I eat mini quiches.

Mandy snatches the briefcase out of Prabir’s grip. Slowly she lifts one towards her mouth.

Prabir watches in unsure agony of what to do. At the last second he smacks the quiches out of Mandy’s hand.

MANDY (CONT’D)
That was a mistake.

Mandy goes to put another quiche into her mouth. Prabir once more shocks himself and smacks it out of her hand.

MANDY (CONT’D)
What are you doing?

PRABIR
I’m sorry, I can’t let you eat them.

MANDY
Well too bad.

Mandy turns away from Prabir and shoves a handful of mini quiches into her mouth.

MANDY (CONT’D)
(mouth full)
I eat what I want, I’m the exHERminator.

Mandy swallows, Prabir watches in horror.

Mandy starts to sway a little, she begins to blink a lot.

MANDY (CONT’D)
What?

Mandy falls back onto the trap and crushes it. She stumbles awkwardly to her feet.

PRABIR
Oh no, oh no, oh no.

Mandy falls face first into the open door of the truck, her face and chest flop down onto the seat, her legs still attempt to hold her up.

Prabir rushes over to her.

MANDY
(slurred)
What happened?

PRABIR
Umm, well, I think I roofied you.

MANDY
You wha…

Mandy’s sentence drifts away and she begins to snore. Prabir looks around panicked. Unsure what to do he finally grabs hold of Mandy’s legs and tries to move them into the truck.

He struggles, gets squashed by them, but eventually gets all of her into the passenger seat and closes the door. He leans against it, eyes wide, breath quick. He turns and looks into the side mirror at himself.

PRABIR
What am I going to do?

To reflection. It shrugs at him.

PRABIR (CONT’D)
I’m doomed, I’m doomed. I’m going to get fired for sure, and arrested, and kicked out of the country. I roofied someone on my first day! How am I supposed to get this cat? Damn Jake, damn his quiches, damn…

Prabir’s words trail off as he looks down at the dropped briefcase and the scattered mini quiches.

Inspiration hits. Prabir grabs a handful of quiches and runs.

Presto Pest-Go – Scene 9

This scene is part of a pilot episode for a sitcom that I wrote as part of my Masters. See past days to catch up on the rest of the episode.

EXT. ANNIE’S BACKYARD – DAY

Annie stands beside her house, Prabir stands beside her. Steve is on his knees as he unscrews one of the base boards.

ANNIE
I think it might be mice or maybe a possum but it’s been making a lot of noise.

STEVE
Could be a rat.

ANNIE
(panicked)
Oh no, really?

STEVE
Don’t worry Annie, just stand way back, Steve will take care of it. You too Prabir, no rat hunting for you today.

Steve gives Prabir a wink. Prabir winks back. Steve pulls off the base board.

ANNIE
You’re a life saver Steve.

STEVE
Well I am your knight my lady, and this-

Steve holds up a torch.

STEVE (CONT’D)
-is my sword.

Steve poses heroically from his kneeled position then drops himself flat on his chest into the dirt and scurries very un-heroically under the house.

ANNIE
Do you see anything?

STEVE
Not yet, oh hold on I think I heard something. Yes I see movement, OH DAMN.

Bangs and scuffs are heard from under the house as Steve attempts to scurry backwards. His feet pop out from the bottom the hole but he has trouble moving backwards through it.

STEVE (CONT’D)
PRABIR, PULL ME OUT.

PRABIR
What?

STEVE
PULL ME OUT!

Prabir runs over to Steve’s feet and grabs his left leg. He pulls out it and Steve’s boot pops off.

STEVE (CONT’D)
Did you just pull my boot off? Get me out of here!

Prabir grabs his leg again and starts to pull but he’s not strong enough. Annie grabs Steve’s other leg and together they pull him out. Steve rushes back covered in dirt. Annie looks under the house to see a giant ginger cat.

ANNIE
A cat?

STEVE
I’m allergic.

ANNIE
Well my knight, what happens now?

Steve looks over to Prabir. Annie does the same. Prabir looks back in shock and swallows.

Prabir looks under the house, the cat hisses and swipes a claw out at him.

Presto Pest-Go – Scene 8

This scene is part of a pilot episode for a sitcom that I wrote as part of my Masters. See past days to catch up on the rest of the episode.

EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE – DAY

Steve and Prabir approach the doorway of a nice suburban house. Steve rings the doorbell.

STEVE
Don’t worry, I’m going to do all the talking.

The door opens and an attractive thirty something woman steps out. She is ANNIE.

ANNIE
Steve! I didn’t know you were still working for Presto Pest-Go. How are you?

Steve stares at her in shock for a beat. Finally a small, awkward smile creeps along his face. He says nothing.

ANNIE (CONT’D)
I haven’t seen you for years, everything going alright?

Beat.

Annie, confused, looks from the shell shocked Steve over to Prabir.

PRABIR
Hello, ummm, I’m Prabir.

Steve finally composes himself.

STEVE
Hi Annie, yes, this is Steve. Prabir! I’m Steve. Prabir, this is Annie, we, we went to school together.

ANNIE
We did, well until you dropped out to work for these guys. You must be running the place by now?

STEVE
Well, not yet, it’s only been…

Steve calculates in his head.

STEVE (CONT’D)
Twelve years! Oh God.

ANNIE
Well I didn’t really expect you to be running the whole company. What are you, the manager?

STEVE
I, I manage sections of the work, you know, not technically manager yet. But it’s a laugh.

ANNIE
You did always like a laugh. So what position are you in now?

STEVE
I’m an exterminator, as is Prabir here.

PRABIR
It’s my first day.

ANNIE
Oh, right.

An awkward beat.

ANNIE (CONT’D)
Well I’ll go through and open the side gate, you can come round the back.

Annie disappears back into the house.

STEVE
(mortified)
It’s my first day?

PRABIR
But, it is my first day?

STEVE
I know but I’ve had a crush on her since high school man and now she thinks I’ve got the same job as the kid who basically just finished high school.

PRABIR
Oh. But you do?

STEVE
I don’t want her to know that!

PRABIR
Sorry, Steve, maybe you could tell her you’re the senior exterminator?

STEVE
No that’s Mandy, and if she heard I told someone I was senior exterminator she might eat me. Don’t worry about it mate, I’ll just have to give her some of the ol’ Lock charm.

PRABIR
(excited)
What does that involve?

STEVE
I have no idea.

The side gate opens and Steve and Prabir walk towards it.

Presto Pest-Go – Scene 7

This scene is part of a pilot episode for a sitcom that I wrote as part of my Masters. See past days to catch up on the rest of the episode.

INT. PRABIR AND JAKE’S APARTMENT, LOUNGE ROOM – DAY

Jake lies unconscious on the floor a smile still spread across his face.

Presto Pest-Go – Scene 6

This scene is part of a pilot episode for a sitcom that I wrote as part of my Masters. See past days to catch up on the rest of the episode.

INT. STEVE’S WORK VAN – DAY

It’s completely quiet in the cabin, Prabir is in the passenger seat, now dressed in a jumpsuit, he still has a shocked and horrified look on his face. Steve drives.

STEVE
You alright mate? You have any questions or anything? Prabir comes out of his daze.

PRABIR
What? No, ahh, nope.

STEVE
You sure? You’re looking a little nervous over there.

PRABIR
Oh, no, me? I’m great. All ready to get to it! Let’s go kill some rats, or mice.

Prabir swallows.

PRABIR (CONT’D)
Or bugs.

Prabir goes back to his fear dazed state.

STEVE
Want to see something I like to do?

Steve winds down the window as he flicks through the radio stations. He finds one playing a very intense love ballad, pulls up at a red light and turns the volume up high. Outside on a bench sits an old Asian man. Steve catches his eye and then starts lip syncing the song to the man, never losing eye contact and really gives his all in the performance. The Asian man looks at Steve, expression vacant. The traffic light turns green and they take off, Steve turns the volume down while Prabir laughs at the bit.

PRABIR
That was brilliant! His face!

STEVE
You like that? Well next red light it’s your turn, you do one.

PRABIR
Oh no, no, I couldn’t do that. I’m not, I’m not very brave. I’m a coward, Steve, to be honest. I don’t know how I’ll go today.

STEVE
Hey no worries, this job will be fine. We’ll go there, it’ll just be a couple of mice or something, I’ll do all the work and you can just watch. Nothing to worry about.

PRABIR
Thanks Steve, that, that means a lot. Actually I do have a question for you.

STEVE
It’s not about Rebecca is it?

PRABIR
What? No! Why, why would you. No. It’s about our name. Why are we called Presto Pest-Go?

STEVE
It’s meant to sound like a magician thing, like we’ll make your pests disappear.

PRABIR
Ohh, I did not get that.

STEVE
Nobody ever does.