Grand News

INT. RETIREMENT HOME, SITTING AREA – DAY

GEORGE (78) and MELINDA BARKER (77) sit on a soft, floral, lounge. They hold hands. Across from them, in individual chairs, are their grandchildren ALISON (21), and JEFF (23). Behind them other residents visit with their families.

MELINDA
So, kids, we asked you here today because we have some pretty big news for you.

GEORGE
Yes, very big news.

JEFF
This isn’t about one of your friends dying again is it Grandma? Because I’m really sorry for that but it does seem to happen like once a week.

George and Melinda look at each other lovingly. Alison smiles at them.

MELINDA
(excitedly)
We’ve decided to get a divorce.

                                   JEFF                                                                                   ALISON
WHAT!                                                                                  WHAT!

JEFF
Why the hell would you get divorced?

GEORGE
It’s something we’ve talked about for a while now. We still love each other but we’ve decided it’s time.

ALISON
But you’re so old!

JEFF
Yes, exactly, you’re incredibly old!

MELINDA
I don’t see what that’s got to do with anything.

JEFF
It has to do with everything!

GEORGE
Old people can get divorced to you know. You think just because your young you get to keep divorce to yourself.

JEFF
What? I don’t-

ALISON
But you’re so close to the end, why not just stick it out?

MELINDA
Well we’ve had a good sixty years together and now we want to try something else.

JEFF
Something else! I think I’m going to be sick.

ALISON
You honestly think you’re going to fall in love again? At eighty?

GEORGE
Love has nothing to do with it.

ALISON
How can love have nothing to do with it? This is your marriage. You’re our Grandparents, you’re supposed to love each other.

JEFF
Yeah! Or at the very least begrudgingly put up with each other until one of you dies!

MELINDA
Well like we said, we still love each other we just want…new experiences.

JEFF
New experiences! Your ancient, you’ve had all the experiences you’re going to have. What does that even mean?

GEORGE
Do we have to spell it out for you boy? Sex!

ALISON
What!

JEFF
Yep, I’m definitely going to be sick.

MELINDA
We’ve only ever slept with each other and now here we are in this home just full of ripe, wonderful, men and women, who all want to experiment.

ALISON
I think ripe’s being a bit generous.

JEFF
Please don’t say experiment Grandma.

ALISON
But couldn’t you just have these…experiences? Why do you have to get a divorce?

MELINDA
Well we don’t want to break our wedding vows.

JEFF
Oh, right, because that’s what’s wrong with this whole scenario! This is, this is insane!

GEORGE
Calm down boy. Trust me, you should be so lucky. The women in here are up for anything.

JEFF
Alright. That’s it, I need to go for a walk. I can’t hear any more of this.

Jeff stands and walks away. Alison also stands.

ALISON
I’ll go talk to him, I could use some air myself. We’ll be back…I think.

Alison follows after Jeff. Another resident of the retirement home walks over to Melinda and George, her eyes on the retreating Jeff.

ETHEL
He was cute.

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