Set Up

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

MARK (32) and ABBY (30) sit at a table, each with a drink in front of them.

MARK
Abby, I’m worried.

ABBY
That we’re not getting any service? Yeah me too. We got these drinks what, an hour ago? This bitch is hungry.

MARK
No, it’s about how you still don’t have a guy in your life.

ABBY
What are you talking about? I have plenty of guys in my life. You’re a guy, my dog’s a guy, that waiters a guy. I’d actually like him to be in my life more, maybe then we could order.

Abby points to a WAITER, late 20s, long hair.

MARK
I’m serious. You’re getting older and you’re not even currently dating someone.

ABBY
So?

MARK
So, if you’re not careful you might miss out and never get married.

ABBY
That doesn’t bother me half as much as the service here.

Abby waves her arms at the waiter, who ignores her.

ABBY (CONT’D)
Hello! What am I invisible?

MARK
Abby, it should bother you.

ABBY
Why? Maybe I’m just not the marrying type. Not everyone has to be like you and Jane you know.

MARK
I know but I worry about you.

ABBY
If you’re really worried about me try and get this waiters attention. I’m not even joking anymore, I’m seriously concerned I might die of starvation over here.

MARK
I want to set you up with someone.

ABBY
Oh, Mark, no! That never turns out well. Don’t make me do this.

MARK
Come on, please, for me? You know what a worrier I am.

ABBY
Ugh, fine. Who is he?

Mark slides his chair around the table so he can show Abby his phone.

MARK
Well I have a couple of guys lined up for you, but they’re all great.

ABBY
Yeah I’m sure. Is that why they’re all single?

MARK
You’re single.

ABBY
Don’t turn this around on me boy-o, I’m doing you a favour here by dating one of these losers.

MARK
Fine, but give them a chance okay?

ABBY
Alright.

Mark pulls up a photo on his phone. It’s a close up shot of a man’s face, bearded, smiling, not unattractive.

MARK
This is Terry, I worked with him a few years ago, really nice guy.

ABBY
Why is that photo so close to his face?

MARK
I don’t know what you mean.

ABBY
You’ve cropped this haven’t you?

MARK
I might have done a little editing.

ABBY
Show me the real photo.

MARK
Fine, but don’t judge okay?

Mark pulls up another photo, same face but this time with the body attached. Terry is morbidly obese.

ABBY
MARK! He’s a whale!

MARK
Okay maybe he’s a bit big but he’s really friendly.

ABBY
I think you mean jolly. Next.

MARK
You’re so hard to please.

Mark pulls up another photo. It’s of another guy, dark skinned, athletic looking. The left side of his body has been cut off by the photo.

MARK (CONT’D)
This is Louis, loves dog’s same as you, keeps himself fit as you can see, and is so funny.

ABBY
Why is his left side cut off? Have you cropped this one too?

MARK
Don’t worry about that, what do you think of him?

ABBY
I think I’m worried about the fact that you’ve cropped this photo again. Show me the real photo Mark.

MARK
He’s a really great guy.

ABBY
Mark.

MARK
Fine.

Mark pulls up another photo, the completed version of the previous one. Louis is a Siamese twin.

ABBY
He’s a Siamese twin! No way.

MARK
Abby, don’t be prejudice.

ABBY
I think it’s okay the fact that he has another person attached to him is a deal breaker for me!

MARK
Oh, you’re too picky.

Abby looks up to see the waiter answer a phone call and go into the mens room.

ABBY
This is ridiculous! You’re going to have to put the freak show on hold for a minute. I’m going to give this waiter a piece of my mind, and maybe even the back of my hand.

MARK
Abby, don’t make a scene. If we get kicked out we’ll never get to eat.

ABBY
I’ll be back in a minute.

Abby storms towards the mens room.

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