Fitness Elite

EXT. CITY STREET – DAY

On a crowded street in Melbourne CDB two guys walk and talk.

XAVIER, 29, dressed in an ill fitting shirt and tie, looks like a grown up version of the kid from two and a half men, eats from a bucket of hot chips. Beside him is CALVIN, 27, slim, well dressed in a black suit, looks like a younger, taller, version of Michael J. Fox.

Xavier watches as people jog past, they run over to a big tent with people handing out flyers underneath and the words ‘FITNESS ELITE’ printed on top.

XAVIER
I need to get fit. Do you think I’ve lost my shape?

CALVIN
I’ve really only ever seen you in one shape.

XAVIER
Thanks man, that’s sweet.

CALVIN
No, I meant you’ve always been out of shape not-

XAVIER
But still I think I could get fitter. I’d like to be ripped, you know?

Xavier takes a big mouthful of chips.

XAVIER (CONT’D)
I’m thinking about joining the Athletic Elite.

CALVIN
They’re a cult!

XAVIER
A cult who’s ideology is based around fitness.

CALVIN
Still a cult.

XAVIER
I figure I’ll become an initiate, they’ll get me crazy fit, because that’s what they do, then-

CALVIN
The alien monster Exatron will come down and save you and the rest of the Athletic Elite and take you to paradise?

XAVIER
No, then I’ll just leave.

CALVIN
It’s a cult, they don’t let you just leave! Even gyms make it hard for you to leave, these guys make it impossible. You know they use brain washing techniques right?

XAVIER
I’m counting on it! The way I see it a little brain washing might be just the motivation I need to get fit.

CALVIN
Motivation! Go buy a motivational poster with some text printed over someone jogging out of focus if you want some motivation, don’t join a cult!

XAVIER
A fitness cult.

CALVIN
STILL A CULT! The people there are crazy!

XAVIER
And super fit. You’re right, I didn’t even think about how hot the women are going to be there. Alright you’ve convinced me, I’m joining.

CALVIN
What? No. I’m clearly saying the opposite of that!

XAVIER
Thanks buddy.

Xavier shoves the rest of the chips in his mouth, throws the container in a bin, and jogs over to the Fitness Elite tent.

CALVIN
What a fucking idiot.

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