Supermarket Wingman

INT. LOUNGE ROOM – DAY

FELIX (23) walks hurriedly through the lounge room. He grabs his keys off the coffee table in front of the couch where, MIKEY (23), lies and watches TV. Felix heads for the door.

FELIX
Just heading down to the shops mate, be back soon.

MIKEY
Oh, hold on, I’ll come with you.

Mikey goes to rise.

FELIX
No, no, it’s cool. Don’t get up.

MIKEY
Why not?

FELIX
I’ll just get anything you need, don’t worry about it.

MIKEY
But I want to come, I literally haven’t walked in eight hours.

FELIX
Well I don’t know how long I’ll take, so…

MIKEY
That doesn’t matter. I’m just re-watching all the lord of the rings. Frodo will wait for me until I get back.

FELIX
You might as well finish it though.

Beat.

MIKEY
What’s up with you? Oh, I get it. Becca’s working again today isn’t she? Oh, then I am definitely coming.

Mikey excitedly stands

FELIX
Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea.

MIKEY
Why not? You know what a good wingman I am. Let me help.

FELIX
After last time, I don’t want your kind of help.

MIKEY
What are you talking about? Last time went great! Let me come.

FELIX
What was great about you pouring milk down my pants?

MIKEY
If you’d followed it up by looking her in the eyes and asking ‘Got Milk?’, she would have been yours. That ones on you.

FELIX
Right, it’s my fault.

MIKEY
Don’t worry I’ll make sure you get it right this time.

FELIX
You’re not coming!

MIKEY
Dude, c’mon. Dude, dude, dude.

FELIX
You can’t just keep saying dude as if that’s gong to convince me. I don’t want you there.

MIKEY
Whatever man, fine.

Mikey lies back down.

MIKEY (CONT’D)
You know Samwise would of let me come. Hell, he would have carried me!

FELIX
Well, I’m sorry I’m not a hobbit.

Felix goes to leave.

MIKEY
Oh, Felix, one more thing.

FELIX
What?

MIKEY
Can you pick us up some milk?

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