Doggie in the Window

INT. ROBBIE’S VAN – EVENING

LIAM, 22, philosophy student, and ROBBIE, 22, owner of a van, drive through the suburbs. Robbie is in the drivers seat, Liam hangs his head out the open passenger side window. They stop at a red light. Liam looks across at the car next to them where a bulldog likewise hangs it’s head from out a window, it has that look of total bliss that only a dog can achieve.

LIAM
Look at that dog man. I will never achieve the level of joy that dog currently has.

ROBBIE
Or his level of adorableness.

LIAM
Life is pain.

ROBBIE
Dude, please don’t start this again.

LIAM
I’m not starting anything, because it never finished. It just goes on and on. Like this tortured existence.

ROBBIE
Okay, whatever, just cheer up before the party okay? I need you at the top of your weird, amazingly good, wingman game. There’s someone I really need to impress tonight.

Beat.

ROBBIE (CONT’D)
Okay?

LIAM
I wish I was a dog.

ROBBIE
Oh Geez.

LIAM
Why did I have to have the cursed luck to be born human?

ROBBIE
Why did I have the cursed luck to get you for a roommate. What is it?

LIAM
Just that I have no talent, life is meaningless, and I’m genetically destined to self destruction and male pattern baldness.

ROBBIE
Look, buddy, the only one we can be sure of is that last one, because you’re Dad is bald, like, proper bald.

LIAM
If I was a dog I wouldn’t go bald. I would just be happy all the time. I wouldn’t have an awareness to how pointless it all is.

ROBBIE
Okay, enough! Damn it man, you’re the only person I know who can somehow look at a happy dog and feel depressed.

LIAM
Well I was already depressed before the dog.

ROBBIE
The point is, life is how you choose to view it. That dog is probably happy because when his head is hanging out the window he chooses to enjoy the feel of the wind on his face. You choose to bitch about how it messes up your hair.

LIAM
You think my hair is messed up?

ROBBIE
I think life isn’t easy for anyone, and the people that make it seem like it is are the people who make the best of bad situations.

LIAM
That’s easy for you to say. You didn’t get told your art sucks by one of the greats in the comic book world.

ROBBIE
Dude. He didn’t even say it sucks! He said you showed potential.

LIAM
That’s just code for sucks.

ROBBIE
See this is exactly my point. You’re choosing to view this as a tragedy. You should be happy one of your heroes liked your work, because that is what actually happened, and rejoice in the fact that you have the opportunity to further improve your talent.

LIAM
I don’t know. Maybe you’re right.

ROBBIE
Of course I’m right! Don’t forget I’m a lot smarter than you.

LIAM
As if. This dog is smarter than you, and he’s currently licking the back of a chair.

Across at the dog, it’s doing exactly that.

ROBBIE
Hey, you’re the one who wished he was a dog.

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